Experiences · Knowledge · Life · Music · Musings · Thoughts

Lessons . Music . Harvard . Swooning

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It’s been awhile… a lot has happened in this crazy year of 2016. As I begin my year in review I want to remind all of you to embark upon 2017 with your heads held high! This year has been full of its trials and tribulations, challenging and forcing us to morph and evolve into stronger more beautiful versions of ourselves. It hasn’t been without challenges though… ultimately that’s what makes us stronger.


Lessons.

I was temporarily insane.. or drunk… maybe both. I do know that wasn’t love, not by a long shot. Its facade was cheap and poorly constructed. I wasn’t happy, yet somehow I kept telling myself that I was… with the hopes that eventually I would be. Newsflash: THAT NEVER WORKS. After finally opening my eyes to the onslaught of manipulation, possessiveness, and general assholery that was him (Hey Webster’s – there’s your newest word for the year!) I changed. On the bright side of things… I can now recognize a narcissist from a mile away. What I was so desperate to convince myself was real just turned out to be another sham, eerily similar to my marriage. I learned also that rather than giving up and giving in to defeat, I’m strong enough to stand my ground and adhere to my morals, ethics, sense of self, and feelings. Additionally, I wholeheartedly trust my gut instinct now. Generally I’ve been pretty good about going with my aforementioned instinct though I’ve previously had no qualms about disregarding it when I felt it convenient. Never again. Ever. What the hell was I thinking?! While I wish I could permanently block out that entire experience with him, all of the pain, the massive uptick in anxiety (it got really bad, ya’ll), I’m glad that I’m wise enough to pull the lessons from it and have learned something. Hey look! This is me evolving! The final straw was really a culmination of things too numerous to list but I knew I’d surpassed my breaking point. I no longer cared. In true scorpio fashion I turned the proverbial switch off, moved, and focused my energy elsewhere. That was the end of that and the beginning of something so much more beautiful, real, honest, and complete. #WorthIt.

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Music.

2016 has been the end all be all of rollercoaster rides. I wouldn’t necessarily call it ‘fun’ but its had its moments. Finally back to playing music again with some wonderful chaps. We’ve taken to calling ourselves ‘Krindy’. Yes, that is an Arrested Development reference. It started out as a joke name and just kind of stuck. Thus far we’re a hodgepodge of styles… think Toadies, meets The Pixies, meets Cage the Elephant, with a dash of Nirvana. That’s us. I love it! The band mates are my brothers and we all bring something to the table. We banter about the nothings of the day, our adventures, new music we may have heard, create random silly lyrics, go into impromptu Spice Girls jam sessions (I have it on video and will TOTALLY play it at their wedding – whichever guy meets his queen first) and write. One of my favorite times of practice is right after we’ve gotten the base to a song down and we start tossing in creative ideas and try them out. Some stick, some don’t… it’s all part of it though and I wouldn’t change it for the world. I missed this. I missed playing and being in that zone. It’s a high like none other. In loose relation to the above paragraph – NEVER ALLOW SOMEONE TO TRIVIALIZE YOUR PASSION. PERIOD. If they don’t ‘get-it’ and at least support you in a sense, then they don’t ‘get’ you… and they sure as hell don’t deserve you. Our next show is on the books for Jan. 29th, Chris Lieberman Fundraiser Part Deux. Chris is a great guy and a blessing to the Tulsa scene, responsible for growing the music scene here and bringing so much good to the city. It’s an honor to be able to play at his fundraiser.

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Harvard.

VERITAS. As some of you may know, I applied and was accepted into the June 2016 cohort of HBX | Harvard Business School CORe program. This program covered the basis of business all rolled up into a baby MBA. Financial Accounting, Business Analytics, and Economics for Managers. I can honestly say that was the most intense ten weeks of my life – but I loved every second of it… well, mostly every second… It was challenging. Nothing says fear and adrenaline rush quite like a Harvard cold call. The methods are brilliant and in true Harvard fashion there’s an importance placed upon case studies. This gives the student a real-world look at how the concepts work and are applied. Rather than merely reading from a textbook, we were able to listen from CEO’s and executives from all sorts of industries… Amazon, JP Morgan, Disney… There’s also a strong sense of peer help and teaching going on. Our professors were AMAZING, and the classmates were as well. We all bounced ideas off one another, interacted via multiple platforms, studied together, laughed together, cried together (it was intense!). What was unique and appreciated is the professors were right there interacting and nudging us along, they weren’t afraid to get in the trenches with us. That, to me, is what makes an educator great. Their teaching styles, explanations, nudges along the way, even sense of humor… it’s an experience I will never forget and I’ll spend the rest of my life with the utmost gratitude for. Today I proudly display my framed certificate in my office. It’s a constant reminder to challenge myself, think outside of the box,  really look at the data, and apply the lessons I’ve learned. Hoping they do another HBX ConneXt in the new year, I can’t wait to physically see campus, meet some of my classmates (now family), give coffee and hugs to my professors, and just take it all in. Since taking my final on Aug. 31st and waiting for the results, I’ve applied to the Harvard Law School | Berkman Klein Center for Internet and Society course, CopyrightX. Fingers crossed, I should know if I’m to be accepted no later than Jan. 23rd. I have no doubts that I will enjoy that course as well. I bleed Crimson. VERITAS.

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Swooning.

Swooning:  /swo͞on/

verb

gerund or present participle: swooning
be emotionally affected by someone or something that one admires; become ecstatic.
Throughout my years I’ve learned countless lessons on this particular topic. One rule that I’d made for myself I’m breaking. I’m taking a sledgehammer (*queue Peter Gabriel*) and smashing it to smithereens. The old adage goes ‘it’s too good to be true’, or ‘wait for the other shoe to drop’. No, fuck that. There is no other shoe. If you spend your time and energy focusing on either of those statements it will manifest into that. There is some serious power in positive thought and I am so sick and tired of sabotaging myself when something good comes along. I’ve met someone, someone amazing and genuine, someone chivalrous and compassionate, someone who takes my breath away and gives me the butterflies… every.single.time... Sure, given my history in this department – I’m terrified! It’s a different terrified though… more-so I’m just vulnerable and that’s a bit… okay a lot… out of character for me. Somehow he takes my vulnerabilities and wraps them up with a pretty bow in a padded box. I feel safe. I know I’m safe with him. I don’t let people in, not that level of intimacy… I’ve previously been too worried about the ‘what-ifs’ or waiting for that stupid other shoe to drop… or caught up in the false idea that something is ‘too good to be true’. It’s not though, this is true, it’s real, it’s raw, it’s fucking terrifying, exhilarating, and honestly? I can’t wait! I can’t wait for our eyes to meet, the way he pulls me into his arms, the way he looks at me… you know the look…
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I can’t wait to see where I’ll be in a few months or in a year… in any capacity. This time I’m only focusing on the positive. The.butterflies.are.real. There’s been times where I’ve wanted the butterflies before, prayed for it, willed it to be, but those weren’t butterflies… moths maybe, but not butterflies. Be blindsided, be swept off your feet, enjoy every second of it, and STOP WAITING FOR A SHOE TO DROP! Focus on all that is good and positive. You’ll thank yourself.  *swoon*
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All in all 2016 has been an okay year. It’s certainly been a year of extremes. I feel better leaving it behind me and moving forward knowing I’ve learned the lessons I needed to. I’ve evolved and will continue to do so. Cheers to 2017, Happy Chrismahanukwanzakah and Festivus.

Ciao,

Morgan

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